Earl Grey, English Breakfast, CinnamonStick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and oh, wait, there's one more, um..
LemonSoother.
You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you?Okay.
Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk seven.
Thank you.
Oh, cool!Free sample of coffee!
Oh good!'Cause where else would we get any?
Oh. Right. ...Oh great.
What is it?
Country club newsletter.My mother sends me the engagement notices for'inspiration.' Oh my God!
Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!
Barry who you almost...?Barry who I almost.
And Mindy, your maid of...?Mindy, my maid of. Oh!
That's Mindy?Wow, she is pretty.
Lucky.
To have had a friend like you.
Marcel.Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Good boy. Goodboy.
C'mere, gimme the rice. Thank you, good boy. Well, I seehe's finally mastered the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'.
'Bring me the' and- Rach?
What?Hi.
Oh, I'm sorry.Oh, this is so stupid!
I mean, I gave Barry up, right?I should be happy for them!
I am, I'm happy for them.
Really.No.
Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I were- with somebody.
Whoah, uh, what happened to, uh, 'Forget relationships!
I'm done withmen!' The whole, uh, penis embargo?
Oh, I don't know.I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the rightguy, y'know?
I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat.
WithPaolo, that's all there was, was heat!
And it was just this raw, animal, sexual
Wait-wait. I, I got it. I was there.
Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both?Y'know? Someone who'slike,
who's like your best friend, but then also can make your toes curl?
Yes.Yes. Yes!Yes, I really do!
In fact, it's funny, very often, someonewho you wouldn't think could-could curl your toes,
might just be the one who
Hi.
...Gets interrupted. Hi!
Hi, how was the movie?
Wonderful!So good!
Suck-fest.Toootal chick-flick.
I-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with, like, y'know, guns andbombs and, like, buses going really fast
Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie.Just so long as there's alittle nudity.
There was nudity!
I meant female nudity.
Alright?I don't need to see LouGrant frolicking.
Hugh! Hugh Grant!
Alright, I've gotta go.
C'mon, Marcel!C'mon! We're gonna go take a bath.
Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are.They're still just friends, right?
And I will see you tomorrow!
That's right, you're gonna spend tomorrow at Aunt Rachel's, aren't you.
Oh, hang on, hang on.
Does Aunt Monica get a say in this?
'Pwease, Aunt Monica, pwease?' Oh, unclench.You're not even gonna bethere.
I can't believe we are even having this discussion.I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief.
I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel, theywould've happened already?
I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a relationship with someoneexactly like me.
She really said that?
Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part But she said she's looking forsomeone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.
'Tonight' tonight?
Well, I think it's perfect.Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, shespent all day taking care of my monkey
I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.
Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go overthere and, uh, try to woo her.
Hey, y'know what you should do?You should take her back to the1890's, when that phrase was last used.
Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr.Francis. Now, she usedto be a man.
Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying.
Okay- Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing withMonica's shoes?You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah.
Marcel, did you poo in theshoe?
Marcel, bad monkey!
Oh! Oh! Sorry, Barry.
Little engagement gift.
I'm sure you didn't register for that. Who died?Who died?
Roll him over!
Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter,right Marcel?
Because- Marcel? Marc-
How could you lose him?
I don't know.We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-
Wait. He pooped in my shoe? Which one?
I don't know. The left one.
Which ones?
Oh.Oh, those little clunky Amish things you think go with everything.
Hey.Hi.
Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so negative?
Rachel lost Marcel.
Oh no, how?
He- he pooped in my shoe.
Which one?Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.
No, which one?
The right or left? 'Cause the left oneis lucky...
C'mon, you guys, what're we gonna do, what're we gonna do?
Alright alright.
You're a monkey. You're loose in the city. Where do yougo?
Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some ofthe touristy things.
I'll go to Cats, you go to the Russian Tea Room.
Oh, my, God, c'mon, you guys!
He's gonna be home any minute! He's gonnakill me!
Okay, we'll start with the building.
You guys take the first and secondfloor, Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth.
Well, what'm I gonna do?What'm I gonna do?
Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone.
Spray Lysol inmy shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you.
Anybody wanna trade? Oh...
Whaddyou want?
Mr.Heckles, our friend lost a monkey. Have you seen it?
I left a Belgian waffle out here, did you take it?
No!
Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall?
I wasn't ready for it.
A monkey. Have you seen a monkey?
Saw Regis Philbin once...
Okay, thank you, Mr. Heckles.
You owe me a waffle.
Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchian monkey with a whiteface
...with, with Russian dressing and, and pickles on the side.
Okay.Thanks.
Hey. How did, uh, how'd it go today?
Great!It went great.
Really great. Hey, is that wine?Yeah. You, uh, you want some?
Oh, I would love some.
But y'know what?Y'know what? Let's not drink ithere.
I'm feeling kinda crazy. You wanna go to Newark?
Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murdercapital of the North-East,
I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you.Y'know how wewere, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff?
Well-Oh God, Ross, I cannot do this.
Okay, quick and painful.
Oh God Okay.Alright. Alright. Okay. Ross, please don't hate me.
Oh, what? What-what?
Y'know Marcel?
...Yeah?
Well, I kind of... I kind of lost him.
I- I- I ca- I can't believe this.I mean, all I asked you to dowas keep him in the apartment.
I know, I know, I'm sorry-No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault.
Y'know, I shouldn't've,uh, asked you to start off with a monkey.
I should've started you off with like a pen or apencil.
Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybodylooking for him, and I- Oh! Who is it?
Animal Control.
See? I've even called Animal Control!You called Animal Control?
Uh-huh... why... do you not like them?
Marcel is an illegal exotic animal.
I'm not allowed tohave him in the city.If they find him, they'll take him away from me.
O-okay, now see, you never ever ever told us that
That's right, I 'cause I didn't expect you were gonna invite them to theapartment!
Hi, thanks for coming.Somebody called about a monkey?
Oh, y'know what?That was a complete misunderstanding!
Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't.
Turned out it was a hat.Cat!Cat! What'm I saying? Cat!
Hi.We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen Marcel.
Marcel?My uncle Marcel.Oh, is that who the monkey's named after?
Oookay.Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh,punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?
Oh my God.
You'd put that poor little creature in jail?
Pheebs, you remember how we talked about saying things quietly toyourself first?
Yes, but there isn't always time!
Look.I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this!
Um, have aseat.First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm Monica Geller.
Oh my God, you are!
And you're Rachel Green!Yeah!
Luisa Gianetti!Lincoln High?
I sat behind you guys in home room!
Luisa? Oh my God! Monica! It's Luisa!
The Luisa from home room!Yes!!
You have no idea who I am, do you.
No, none at all.None.
Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me.
I mean,would it have been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'?Or 'Nice overalls'?
Oh, I'm- I'm so sorry!
Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems.
But you? What a bitch!
What?!
Be that as it may, d'you think you could just help us out here on thatmonkey thing?
Y'know, just for old times' sake? Go Bobcats?
I could but I won't.If I find that monkey, he's mine.
Dun-dun-duuuur! Sorry.
Marcel?Marcel?
Hi, can I help you?
Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we-we were looking forsomething...
A monkey.Yes have you seen any?
No.No, haven't seen a monkey. Do you know anything about fixingradiators?
Um, sure!Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back the other way?
Of course.Oh. Then, no.
Did I put too much rum in here?Just a sec.
Hope you find your monkey. (Shestarts to shut the door)Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono!
Uh we may not know anything aboutradiators per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating andcooling... mileu.
Uh, aren't we kind of in the middle of something here?Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help!
And they'revery hot.
We can't, alright?We're sorry.You have no idea how sorry,but We promised we'd find this monkey.
If you see him, he's about yea high and answersto the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you,you'd really be helping us out.
Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other people.
Marcel?Marcel?!
Marcel?Marcel?
Oh-my-God!Whaaat!
Something just brushed up against my right leg!What is it?
Oh, it's okay, it was just my left leg.
Look, Phoebe!Yeah!Oh, c'mere, Marcel! Oh, Marcel, c'mere!
Step aside, ladies!
What're you gonna do?
Just a small tranquiliser.
Run, Marcel, run!Run, Marcel! Are you okay?
Yeah, think so.
Oh!
Huh. Whoah.Oh gosh.
Marcel?Marcel?
Marc- oh, this is ridiculous!We've been all over the neighbourhood.
He'sgone, he's-he's just gone.
Ross, you don't know that.
Oh come on.It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks asign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot.
I have no monkey, and a broken foot!Thank you very much.
Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times.What do you want me to do?You want me to break my foot too?
Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here.Ow!!
Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!Yeah, yeah.
Y'know, now that you kicked the sign, hey!
I don't miss Marcel any more!
Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose.Oh, no no no.Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, things just sortof happen around you.
I mean, you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totallyoblivious to people's monkeys,
or to people's feelingsRoss.I don't even wanna hear it, you're justRoss.
Oh, forget it, okay?Ross!What? What?
Hey! Hey, Bananaman!
Oh, this is so intense.
One side of my butt is totally asleep, and theother side has no idea.
Hi, did you order some bananas?
What about it?
Gimme back my monkey.I don't have a monkey.
Then what's with all the bananas?
Potassium.
Marcel?
Marcel? Okay, where is he? Where is he? Marcel? Marcel?Marcel!
What've you done to him?
That's my monkey.That's Patti, Patti the monkey.
Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon.
C'mere, Patti.C'mere, Marcel.
C'mere, Patti.Here, monkey.
Here, monkey!Here, monkey! Gotcha.
Okay, gimme my monkey back.That's my monkey.
You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge.
That's not my monkey.Just the dress is mine, you can send thatback whenever.
Alright, I want my monkey.No!
Oh, c'mon, Luisa!Sorry, prom queen.
You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't've beenfat.
Alright.In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecomingqueen and the class president and you were also there!
But if you take this monkey, Iwill lose one of the most important people in my life.
You can hate me if you want, butplease do not punish him.
C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here!Take it!
Nope.
Alright.
Well then how about I call your supervisor, and I tell her thatyou shot my friend in the ass with a dart?
It'll be nice to get this off finally, won't it?Yes it will.Or we can leave it on for now, that's fine.
Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that would be a great littleoutfit.
Listen, I'm- I'm sorry I was so hard on you before, it's just I
Oh, Ross, c'mon.It's my fault, I almost lost your
Yeah, but you were the one who got him back, y'know?You, you were great.
Hey, we uh, we still have that, uh, that bottle of wine.You in the mood for, uh,
something grape?
That'd be good.Alright.
The, uh, the neighbours must bevacuuming.
Well, so long as we're here and, uh,not on the subject,
I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um,
I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um
Rachel.Barry?!
I can't.I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy. I think I'm stillin love with you.
Oh!
We have got to start locking that door!
This is me in The Sound of Music.See the von Trapp kids?
Nope.
That's because I'm in front of them.
Eh. I thought that was an alp.
Well, high school was not my favourite time.
I dunno, I loved high school.Y'know?It was just four years of partiesand dating and sex.
Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys.
Any sex Ihad would've involved a major lifestyle choice.
Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago?
Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Mybutt cheek is waking up! Oooh! Ooh!